Responsibility “To” Others, Not “For” ThemResponsibility “To” Others, Not “For” Them
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Thom’s Nutshell: Don’t make the mistake of thinking you have no impact in this world of ours. You do. Whether from a pebble or a giant rock, we’re all leaving ripples in the pond. Allen, Thom, and Patrick discuss the illusion of separateness permeating our human bonds. Emotional sobriety can resolve the crises caused by looking towards other people to validate our existence when we don’t think we matter. Being responsible to others is accepting responsibility to ourselves. Thom and Allen discuss amends and earning our own respect. Rest in peace Glen Hansard. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/ Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below): https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings. We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.
25:21•3 Aug 2026
You Matter: Rethinking Responsibility and Emotional Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Feeling that you matter reduces unhealthy dependence on others for validation.
- Being responsible to others means owning your impact without taking over their responsibilities.
- Codependent control often adds fuel to the fire of addiction and family conflict.
- Making amends can reveal the depth of hurt caused and is central to emotional sobriety.
- Lowering expectations and embracing "not drunk and not dead" supports realistic self-acceptance.
“Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you have no impact in this world of ours. You do.”
Gain insights from experts and survivors on how much we really matter to each other, even when we’re convinced we don’t. This episode of *Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery* brings together psychotherapists and authors Dr. Allen Berger and Thom Rutledge, joined by Patrick, to talk about responsibility, self-worth, and the quiet ripple effect every person creates. You’ll hear Thom’s core reminder: “Don’t make the mistake of thinking that you have no impact in this world of ours.
You do.” From there, the conversation moves into how emotional sobriety is shaken when someone doesn’t feel they matter. If a person’s sense of value is low, their dependency on others’ approval shoots up, and relationships can slide into control, resentment, and codependency. The trio tackle the difference between being responsible **to** others versus **for** them. Being responsible to someone means owning your impact and showing up honestly, while still recognising that how they respond is their responsibility.
That applies to family recovery, AA and Al-Anon, and especially to the hard work of making amends. Patrick’s story about apologising to his mum highlights how deeply our addiction can wound those around us, and how facing that pain can be one of the toughest stops on the recovery journey.
There’s humour too, like Thom’s line about keeping expectations “subterranean” and the shared gratitude for simply being “not drunk and not dead.” Allen’s tennis comeback after a serious injury becomes a live example of lowering the bar, practising self-acceptance, and refusing the old belief that we must be more than we are to be okay.
If you’re wrestling with your impact on others, or struggling to feel that you matter, this conversation might be a good place to pause, reflect, and ask: what kind of ripples do you want to leave in the pond today?
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