Ryan O'Connell on the Strange Sensation of Finally Being Seen

Ryan O'Connell on the Strange Sensation of Finally Being Seen

How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation with writer, actor and essayist Ryan O’Connell offers a funny, sharp and very honest look at what recovery can look like when you don’t follow the “official” script. Ryan talks through his rise from New York hipster blogger to Emmy-nominated creator and reluctant star of the Netflix series *Special*.

He explains how he was “never supposed” to act in the show, only to realise on set that performing had quietly been a long-held wish: there just wasn’t “a road for somebody like me”. Fame brought a new kind of discomfort, summed up in his line about Provincetown: “It was a strange sensation moving through the world in HD after being so lo‑fi.” For anyone dealing with alcohol or drug problems, Ryan’s story around addiction hits close to home.

He describes being “very, very addicted to Percocet” in his twenties, later swapping pills for a heavy natural-wine habit while showrunning *Special* season two.

Traditional 12‑step programmes never clicked, and he talks about the shame of that, then the relief of finally accepting “there wasn’t a right or wrong way to get sober.” The chat ranges from loneliness in late‑night bars and the “comfort” of endless nights, to the warm, time‑stopping pull of painkillers and how sobriety exposes old wounds around sex, intimacy and self‑worth.

Ryan is candid about ambition too, calling it “a cancer” when it takes over, and owning his “healthy dollop of delusion” as a survival tool in an industry that rarely makes space for disabled queer voices. If you’re curious about recovery without a programme, the emotional hangover of sudden visibility, or how ambition and substances can feed each other, this one might get you thinking: what does being “marked safe” in your own life actually look like?