S6 EP47: Why "Try Harder" Never Works: ADHD, Autism & the Brain War Nobody Talks AboutS6 EP47: Why "Try Harder" Never Works: ADHD, Autism & the Brain War Nobody Talks About
RAW CHATTER!
Vicky and Karen talk about ADHD, autism and AuDHD, unpacking why "try harder" advice backfires and how meltdowns link to adrenaline overload. Karen shares her "wired to winning" approach to ending the inner brain war and building a life that works for neurodivergent minds.
36:30•28 Jul 2026
Why "Try Harder" Fails Neurodivergent Brains: ADHD, Autism and Ending the Brain War
Episode Overview
- Standard advice to "try harder" often creates shame and ignores the hidden cost of hyperfocus for neurodivergent people.
- Autistic masking can make girls and women appear socially competent while they feel like the odd one out inside.
- Meltdowns are adrenaline overloads that can show up as fight, flight, freeze or fawn, and are frequently mislabelled as depression or breakdowns.
- Productivity tools work better for ADHD brains when they focus on urgency and interest rather than abstract importance.
- You don’t have to do things the conventional way; if a strategy works for your brain, it’s valid even if it looks unconventional to others.
“A life that works for you doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This chat between host Vicky Midwood and guest Karen offers a fresh angle: what if the constant message to "try harder" has been harming neurodivergent people for decades? Karen, founder of "Try Harder Is BS", shares how that phrase haunted her school reports and adult life, long before her ADHD diagnosis and self-recognition of autism.
She explains that teachers and bosses saw short bursts of hyperfocus as proof she could perform like that all the time, without seeing the cost. As she drily puts it, "I was trying hard enough, thank you." The conversation digs into ADHD, autism and AuDHD, especially in women and girls, and how masking can hide serious struggles behind a façade of competence.
Karen talks about grieving for "younger Karen" who battled without support, and using therapy as a safe place to feel anger, jealousy and exhaustion instead of masking them away. You’ll hear a clear breakdown of autistic and ADHD meltdowns as adrenaline overloads: fight, flight, freeze and fawn. For Karen, that once meant crying for 48 hours and being treated as depressed, rather than understood as burnt out and neurodivergent.
Vicky links this to her work with people dealing with eating disorders, anxiety, body image issues, alcohol and compulsive exercise, many of whom later realise they have ADHD or autism. Karen then shares practical tools from her "wired to winning" framework, showing how she helps people "end the brain war" between autism’s love of rules and ADHD’s need for immediacy.
She swaps the classic importance/urgency matrix for a version based on urgency and interest, and champions unconventional strategies that actually work for neurodivergent brains. Her core message? "A life that works for you doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else." If you’ve ever felt broken by "try harder", could it be time to build a life that fits your brain instead?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.