Self Control (Episode 4 - Archive)
Self Control (Episode 4 - Archive)

Relational Recovery

Wes Thompson and Austin Hill talk about self-control in recovery, stressing that lasting change comes from small daily habits and honest self-reflection. They highlight the slow rewiring of the brain, the temptation to fix external problems too quickly, and the value of simple routines like making your bed as training for deeper emotional resilience.

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7:58•30 Apr 2026

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Small Habits, Big Change: Rethinking Self-Control in Recovery

Episode Overview

Lasting recovery starts with facing yourself instead of chasing external fixes like money, relationships or constant activity.
Genuine change in brain patterns and decision-making can take one to three years, so patience and consistency are essential.
Families need a healthy, stable person more than a quick return; one good week doesn’t undo years of absence or harm.
Simple daily habits, such as making your bed, build practical self-control and create a sense of order and care for your space.
Emotional self-control grows as a ‘muscle’, helping you choose slow, respectful responses instead of impulsive reactions when others are rude or rejecting.

“If you can’t be present to yourself, how are you going to be present to others?”

Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation from Relational Recovery zooms in on one deceptively simple theme: self-control, and why it starts with learning to sit with yourself. Host Wes Thompson shares a painfully honest story about attempting a two-day silent retreat, hauling along 15 books and feeling so anxious without noise or distraction that he couldn’t handle being alone.

His counsellor’s blunt question hits hard: “If you can’t be alone with yourself, how are you going to be able to be present to others?” That moment becomes a springboard into a bigger chat about how many people in addiction try to fix external things while avoiding what’s going on inside. Co-host Austin Hill joins Wes in unpacking how this pattern shows up at The Refuge Ministry.

They talk about men who have one good week in recovery and feel pressured to rush home to “fix” their families, only to be reminded that their families mainly need them to be genuinely healthy – and that kind of change takes time. They stress that rewiring the brain can take one to three years, but they present this not as bad news, just honest reality. Instead of quick fixes, they focus on small, practical habits.

Making your bed every day becomes an example of daily self-control: “Because a neat space... improves pretty much every aspect of your life.” From there, they connect simple routines to bigger emotional skills, like choosing a calm response when someone is rude or when family members react badly. The tone is gentle, realistic and a bit cheeky at times, aimed at anyone wrestling with unwanted behaviours who wants a faith-informed, psychologically grounded path forward.

If self-control feels like a mountain, could your next step be something as small as making your bed tomorrow morning?

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