SHITSHOW SATURDAY #226 – James M.SHITSHOW SATURDAY #226 – James M.
Adult Child
James M. reflects on growing up with an alcoholic mum, chronic stress and grief, and how mind–body work and IFS have shifted how he views his symptoms and story. He shares both the limits and progress of his healing, along with his hopes for thriving and finding intimacy later in life.
35:50•17 Oct 2026
James M. On Growing Up With An Alcoholic Mum, Grief, And Late-Life Healing
Episode Overview
- Childhood in a dysfunctional home and boarding school led James to internalise stress, shame and a deep sense of underachievement.
- For years he explained his struggles through ADHD and neurodivergence, before recognising how much was rooted in unresolved childhood trauma.
- Mind–body work, polyvagal theory and IFS helped him see chronic physical symptoms and stress responses as linked to past experiences rather than current triggers.
- He speaks openly about the shock and complicated grief of losing his partner quickly to cancer, and his difficulty accessing tears after a lifetime of emotional suppression.
- Despite setbacks, James believes healing is ongoing, and he remains hopeful about thriving again, travelling more, and finding emotional and romantic intimacy later in life.
“healing is inevitable if you got this far you're going to keep going”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? For many, it’s hearing someone like James M. speak plainly about growing up with an alcoholic mum, losing a soulmate, and still holding on to the hope of thriving again. On this Shitshow Saturday, James shares how his childhood shifted overnight when his mum started drinking at 14.
Once a confident, top-of-the-class boarding school pupil, he describes becoming a withdrawn, miserable teenager, juggling the chaos at home with the pressure of a strict school. Later on, he spotted how his romantic relationships echoed his parents’ dynamic: one painfully codependent, another subtly abusive and controlling. For years, James tried to explain his struggles through the lens of ADHD and neurodivergence.
That path still helped – it nudged him towards a healthier job and ending a damaging relationship – but he’s since connected much of his stress, procrastination and “lack of motivation” to unresolved childhood pain and complex trauma. James talks candidly about long‑running physical symptoms, a suspected mould illness, early Covid, and a lingering “crappiness” that no doctor could fully fix.
Mind–body work, polyvagal theory and Internal Family Systems (IFS) gave him a different frame: “healing is inevitable if you got this far you're going to keep going.” Through IFS, he started meeting protective parts, including one that “pretended” to be his true self to avoid real change.
He also shares the shock of losing his partner to stage 4 lung cancer in just three months, and the frustration of wanting to grieve more visibly but feeling emotionally shut down from years of boarding school and family dynamics. Yet he’s noticing small shifts – tearing up at films, feeling more compassion for himself, and sensing that his nervous system is slowly softening. Now in his early 60s, James isn’t done.
He hopes to thrive again, travel more, and find intimacy once more. If you’ve ever wondered whether it’s “too late” to heal, could his story be the nudge you need?
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