SHITSHOW SATURDAY #228 – The Other Place We Grew Up: SchoolSHITSHOW SATURDAY #228 – The Other Place We Grew Up: School
Adult Child
Members of the Adult Child community share how school was either a refuge or another source of trauma, and how those childhood experiences still show up in their adult lives. Stories range from perfectionism and bullying to life‑saving teachers who offered rare moments of safety and recognition.
35:24•31 Oct 2026
School Days, Hidden Trauma: How Classrooms Shaped Adult Children
Episode Overview
- School experiences can mirror or amplify dysfunction at home, shaping beliefs about being "the problem" from a young age.
- Adults at school often studied and punished behaviour without asking what it might reveal about conditions at home.
- Perfectionism and tying worth to grades or performance can begin in school and carry into work, relationships and self‑esteem.
- One supportive teacher, coach or nurse can significantly impact a child’s sense of being seen, valued and safe.
- Structured environments may feel safer for some adults who grew up in chaos, while unstructured time can trigger old dread and anxiety.
“School did save my life. Even with the bad parts of it, it was the thing that saved my life and gave me opportunities nobody in my family had.”
What are the common struggles and victories in addiction recovery? This Shitshow Saturday zooms in on the other place many of us grew up: school. Instead of just talking about chaotic homes, the Adult Child community looks at classrooms, playgrounds and report cards as a second battleground where trauma played out. Andrea Ashley kicks things off by reading her second-grade report cards, showing how teachers carefully documented her behaviour but never once asked what was happening at home.
You’ll hear her connect these comments to parts work, feeling like a "kid in an adult’s body", and the thick skin she had to grow just to get through each school day when no one wanted to be her friend.
Community members share their own stories: being the perfectionist star pupil whose stomach issues were really anxiety; the child paddled at school and then hit again at home for the same "offence"; the bullied kid who became the bully; and the straight‑A church kid whose need for praise masked terror about being a closeted gay teenager. There are powerful moments of gratitude too.
Several people describe that one teacher, coach or school nurse who truly saw them – the adult who said, "You are worth it," or quietly spotted that something was wrong and offered calm, steady care. For some, school was the only predictable, structured space they had, a place that genuinely "saved my life" even while it held its own harms.
The episode keeps circling back to how school experiences still shape adult life: tying worth to performance, freezing around authority, craving approval from bosses and mentors, or feeling safest in structured work while falling apart on unstructured weekends. It’s raw, funny in places, and deeply validating for anyone who senses that their school years were about far more than homework and grades.
You might finish this one asking yourself: was school a refuge or another battlefield – and how much of it are you still carrying today?
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