The Familiar Hell: Why We Stay in Toxic Relationships | Frankie and Jess InterviewThe Familiar Hell: Why We Stay in Toxic Relationships | Frankie and Jess Interview
The Relationship Recovery Podcast
Tiffany and Kierstyn join Frankie and Jess to talk about why people remain in toxic relationships, touching on trauma bonds, gaslighting, perfectionism and inner healing work. The conversation centres on self-worth, boundaries and practical tools for those feeling stuck in their own familiar hell.
49:24•18 Aug 2026
The Familiar Hell of Toxic Love and Why Walking Away Hurts So Much
Episode Overview
- Staying in toxic relationships often stems from trauma bonds, learned patterns and deep self-esteem wounds rather than simple "choice".
- Emotional breadcrumbs from a partner keep people hooked, making leaving feel like withdrawal from an addiction.
- Gaslighting can erode trust in your own thoughts and memories, leaving your "brain feeling like mush" and decision-making nearly impossible.
- Parts work and EMDR can help identify and heal protective behaviours such as perfectionism, hyper-independence and defensiveness.
- Grace and firm boundaries can coexist: you can understand someone’s backstory while still refusing ongoing mistreatment.
“You deserve a loaf of bread, enough with the breadcrumbs.”
This episode sheds light on the personal battles against addiction to toxic relationships, with Tiffany Denny and Kierstyn Franklin sitting down with radio hosts Frankie and Jess for a candid, sometimes funny, sometimes heavy chat. You’ll hear them unpack why people stay in what they call the "familiar hell" of unhealthy relationships instead of risking the "unfamiliar heaven" they actually want.
Tiffany and Kierstyn explain how trauma bonds, gaslighting and codependency can feel like a chemical addiction, especially when partners offer emotional "breadcrumbs" of kindness just often enough to keep hope alive. As Tiffany puts it, "it can be extremely painful for people to walk out," and some clients even describe withdrawal-like symptoms when trying to leave.
One standout line sums it up: "You deserve a loaf of bread, enough with the breadcrumbs." The conversation ranges from romantic partnerships to friendships, adult children mistreating parents, and the pressure to be the "perfect" child or the emotionally invulnerable man. They talk about clients who return to harmful relationships again and again, asking "Why do I keep doing this?" and point towards deep-rooted self-worth issues and childhood patterns as part of the answer.
You’ll also get a window into their coaching style: weekly sessions, text support between calls, and tools like EMDR and parts work (Internal Family Systems) to help people understand the protective "parts" inside them, such as perfectionism, people-pleasing or hyper-independence. There’s real warmth as they describe clients meeting their younger selves with compassion, and real honesty about the limits of change when a partner simply has no willingness to look at their behaviour.
Throughout, they stress grace and boundaries: having empathy for parents and partners who were "doing the best they could" while still deciding what treatment is no longer acceptable. If you’ve ever wondered why leaving a harmful relationship feels so hard — or whether you’re stuck in one right now — this conversation might be the nudge to ask, "Am I settling for breadcrumbs when I deserve the whole loaf?"
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