The Generational Divide In Families: Bridging the Gap Between Boomer Parents and Millennial/ Gen-Z ChildrenThe Generational Divide In Families: Bridging the Gap Between Boomer Parents and Millennial/ Gen-Z Children
A Little Help For Our Friends
Psychologists Dr. Kibby McMahon and Dr. Amy Todey talk about the growing generational divide in families, from “cutoff culture” to clashing values and labels like “narcissist”. They discuss how to balance boundaries, safety and forgiveness while keeping room for connection across generations.
57:34•8 Jul 2026
Boomers, Boundaries and Cutoff Culture: Rethinking Estranged Families
Episode Overview
- Labels like “narcissist” can create distance and shut down any chance of repair, while true personality disorders are relatively rare.
- Cutting off family members often carries a heavy cost, and there are usually ways to combine boundaries with continued connection.
- Boundaries work best when they describe what you will do (stepping away, pausing contact) rather than trying to control another person’s behaviour.
- Parents can validate their adult children’s pain without accepting global labels like “abusive person”, by owning specific actions and changing future behaviour.
- Maintaining safe links with grandparents can support children’s identity and resilience, especially when parents help them make sense of difficult interactions.
“The question is, can someone hurt you and can you still also love them at the same time?”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? For many, family tension, old wounds and “toxic” labels can add huge emotional weight to an already challenging path. This conversation on A Little Help For Our Friends brings together psychologist host Dr. Kibby McMahon and clinical psychologist Dr. Amy Todey to talk frankly about the rift between Boomer parents and their Millennial/Gen‑Z children.
The focus is on messy, everyday families: abusive histories, fraught relationships with parents, and painful questions like, “Do I cut them off, or keep trying?” Dr. Todey works extensively with high‑conflict families and adult children, and she challenges the popular idea that estrangement is usually the answer.
She talks about “cutoff culture”, why calling someone a narcissist can be a way of avoiding accountability for our own side of the relationship, and how value clashes between generations (stoic sacrifice vs emotional attunement and boundaries) can leave everyone feeling misunderstood. You’ll hear striking examples from her clinical work and personal life, including her own shame-filled parenting moment and a family tragedy that still led to long-term connection and forgiveness.
She repeatedly returns to a central question: “Can someone hurt you and can you still also love them at the same time?” Rather than giving blanket rules, the episode lays out how to set firm boundaries without writing people off, how parents can apologise without branding themselves “abusers”, and why preserving links with grandparents can support a child’s roots and resilience—even when contact needs careful limits.
If you’ve ever wondered whether to block a parent, keep the peace, or try again with clearer boundaries, this honest chat might help you pause and ask: is there a way to hold both love and protection at the same time?
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