The Loyalty Problem: Rewriting Your Parenting StoryThe Loyalty Problem: Rewriting Your Parenting Story
A Quest for Well-Being
Psychotherapist and parent coach Olivia Bergeron talks about the "loyalty problem" that stops many parents from changing how they raise their children, even when they want to. The conversation shares practical tools, personal stories and gentle guidance on healing old family patterns without cutting off love or loyalty to the past.
57:38•6 Jun 2026
The Loyalty Bind: Changing Your Parenting Without Betraying Your Parents
Episode Overview
- Changing how you parent can feel like betraying your parents, and naming this "loyalty bind" is the first step towards real change.
- Learning new parenting tools is helpful, but without healing past wounds and beliefs, old patterns of yelling and fear tend to resurface.
- Slowing down to respond rather than react – especially when it is not a true emergency – helps both parent and child stay regulated.
- Gratitude practices and small, regular acts of self-care support emotional balance and make it easier to parent the way you intend.
- It is possible to love your parents and still acknowledge the ways they hurt you, and this honesty opens the door to reparenting yourself and your children differently.
“One of the biggest lies that parents tell is, "I turned out fine."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation heads straight into a different kind of recovery: healing from the parenting we grew up with so we can show up differently for our own kids. Psychotherapist and parent coach Olivia Bergeron talks with host Valeria Teles about what she calls the "loyalty bind" – that quiet force that makes changing how you parent feel like betraying your mum and dad.
Parents come to her saying, "I turned out fine," yet admit, "I swore I’d never sound like my mum… and there it is." That inner conflict, she explains, keeps many stuck in patterns of yelling, fear and shame, even when they know better in theory.
Olivia shares a pivotal moment when she "lost it" with her three young children on a hot summer day, saw fear on their faces and decided, on the spot, "I can’t do this anymore." From there, she trained as a parent coach and started focusing on helping mums and dads make shifts that actually stick.
She draws a clear line between learning new behaviour (tools, scripts, routines) and genuinely healing the beliefs underneath – like the idea that criticising how you were raised means you don’t love your parents. You’ll hear practical ideas for slowing down instead of reacting, using gratitude as a daily reset, and owning mistakes with honesty rather than pretending to be the perfect parent.
Olivia also breaks down the difference between therapy and coaching, why self-care "isn’t selfish", and how small pleasures (even something as simple as chewing gum and blowing bubbles) can steady a frazzled nervous system. Whether someone is in alcohol recovery or just trying to break generational cycles, this episode offers language, clarity and a fresh way to think about loyalty, love and parenting.
What old stories about your family might be quietly running the show – and are you ready to rewrite them?
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