What happens when you stop being a fixer? with Guest Natalie FeinblattWhat happens when you stop being a fixer? with Guest Natalie Feinblatt
The Recovered Life Show
Host Damon Frank and psychologist Dr Natalie Feinblatt talk about the role of "the fixer" in addiction and recovery, unpacking how codependency, control, and people pleasing affect relationships. They share practical ways to recognise these patterns and gentle first steps towards setting healthier boundaries.
31:57•21 Sept 2026
Letting Go of Being the Fixer: Codependency, Control and Real Recovery
Episode Overview
- Being a fixer is often a compulsive urge to take responsibility for problems that don’t actually belong to you.
- Helping crosses the line when it prevents others from experiencing the natural consequences of their choices, especially with addiction.
- Many fixers realise that entire relationships are built around rescuing, with little true mutual connection underneath.
- A first step to change is imagining saying no and identifying the strong feelings that follow, then using coping skills to tolerate them.
- Patterns of codependency can be addressed through therapy, support groups, and honest reflection on how much energy relationships demand.
“When you betray yourself to keep the peace, you start a war within yourself.”
What drives someone to seek a life without trying to fix everyone around them? This chat on The Recovered Life Show tackles that exact question as host Damon Frank sits down with psychologist Dr Natalie Feinblatt, who specialises in addiction, trauma, and codependent patterns.
You’ll hear them break down what it means to be "the fixer" – that person who steps in to "solve the problem, keep the peace, and take responsibility for everyone else." Dr Feinblatt calls it "this compulsion to take responsibility for things that have nothing to do with you" and explains how it often starts in families affected by addiction or significant mental health issues. Over time, constantly helping becomes part of someone’s identity, especially in recovery communities.
The conversation focuses on where fixing comes from, why it feels so hard to stop, and the hidden cost of living in the mindset of "I’m not okay unless they’re okay." Damon and Natalie talk about how fixing can quietly slide into control, especially when "help" blocks people from facing the natural consequences of their choices. They also look at those painful moments when you realise some relationships exist almost entirely because you’re the one who rescues.
For anyone wondering if they’re stuck in this role, Dr Feinblatt suggests paying attention to patterns: Are most relationships an energy drain? Do you always end up around people with serious addiction or mental health issues while telling yourself you’re "the only one without issues"? She shares practical first steps, like rehearsing what might come up emotionally when you start saying no, and using coping skills to sit with guilt or anxiety instead of rushing back into fixing.
The tone stays honest and practical, with Damon sharing his own experiences of codependency in long-term sobriety and calling it "graduate level" recovery work. If you’ve ever felt torn between being a "good person" and protecting your own sanity, this conversation might be the nudge you need to rethink your fixer identity. Could stepping back from fixing be the next stage of your recovery story?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.