Why women stay in toxic relationshipsWhy women stay in toxic relationships
Feel light
Sheilla Andeso Muhindi explains several reasons why women may stay in toxic relationships, from love and fear to money and trauma bonds. She also offers gentle guidance for both those in harmful relationships and those who want to support them more safely.
10:22•1 Sept 2026
Why Women Stay in Toxic Relationships and What They Really Need
Episode Overview
- Toxic relationships can include both harm and good memories, making it hard to leave because of love, attachment and hope for change.
- Fear of being alone, judgment, financial loss or physical danger can trap someone in a harmful relationship.
- Constant criticism and control can damage self-esteem until a person starts to believe they deserve mistreatment.
- Financial dependence, children and family pressure can create practical and emotional barriers to leaving.
- Instead of asking "Why don’t you leave?", a more supportive approach is to ask "How can I support you safely?" and encourage honest self-reflection about safety and happiness.
“You are not stupid for staying. You're not weak because living feels difficult.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety and emotional safety? This episode of "Feel light" zooms in on a question many people whisper about but rarely unpack properly: why women stay in toxic relationships.
Mental health counsellor Sheilla Andeso Muhindi holds space for anyone who has ever wondered, "If it’s so bad, why doesn’t she just leave?" Rather than blaming or shaming, she breaks down seven core reasons women may remain with harmful partners, including love, fear, low self-esteem, financial dependence, children, and trauma bonds. She reminds the audience that many toxic relationships also carry memories of laughter, promises and dreams, which can make walking away feel heartbreaking, not straightforward.
Sheilla’s tone is warm, direct and occasionally playful, using simple metaphors and everyday language to make complex emotions easier to sit with. She explains how cycles of conflict, apology and temporary change can create hope that "maybe this time things will be different," and how constant criticism can slowly convince someone that they deserve mistreatment. With a strong focus on mental health, she points out that "real change is consistent behaviour over time," not just apologies or gifts.
This episode doesn’t just speak to women in toxic relationships; it also offers guidance for friends, family and supporters. Instead of asking, "Why don’t you leave?" Sheilla suggests a more compassionate question: "How can I support you safely?" She also highlights the role of support groups, economic independence and professional help in building a realistic path out of harm.
For anyone affected by emotional abuse, addiction to toxic dynamics, or the stress of staying for the sake of children, this conversation gently invites honest self-reflection: "Am I safe here? Am I happy? Can I be myself in this relationship?" It’s a steady reminder that choosing yourself is not selfish. What honest question could you ask yourself today about the relationships in your life?
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