236 - The ADHD Nervous System: Rewiring What Your Body Needs to Actually Function w/ Kristen Carder236 - The ADHD Nervous System: Rewiring What Your Body Needs to Actually Function w/ Kristen Carder
Adult Child
Andrea Ashley and Kristen Carder talk about ADHD, complex trauma, and how bodies search for regulation through addictions like phone gaming. Their conversation centres on medication, emotional regulation, family estrangement and self-compassion as tools for building safer, more connected lives.
1:04:21•24 Jun 2026
ADHD, Trauma Math and Feeling Safe in Your Own Body with Kristen Carder
Episode Overview
- Trauma and neglect in childhood can shape both ADHD symptoms and long-term physical health, creating what Kristen calls "trauma math" across a family tree.
- Behavioural addictions like phone gaming can seriously affect focus and regulation, even for people with many years of sobriety from substances.
- ADHD medication can make tasks and therapy more accessible, but it does not repair relationships; emotional work, boundaries and lifestyle changes are still needed.
- Self-compassion, rather than shame, is key to changing patterns and staying with difficult behaviour change over time.
- Adults do not automatically owe their family of origin care or contact; support should never come at the cost of their own safety or their children’s wellbeing.
“It's the self-compassion that allows us to be self-protected. It's the self-compassion that allows us to show up over and over and over.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety when their nervous system feels like it’s constantly on high alert? This conversation between host Andrea Ashley and ADHD coach and podcast host Kristen Carder zeroes in on that question through the lens of ADHD, complex PTSD, and the body’s need to finally feel safe.
You’ll hear Kristen trace her own path from seeing ADHD as "this is not my fault, my brain is wired differently" to recognising a wider web of family trauma – emotional, physical and sexual abuse, addiction, neglect and enmeshed relationships. She talks about looking at her family cancer history and only seeing "trauma math", making a strong case for how abuse and neglect shape both mental and physical health.
Kristen shares honestly about phone gaming addiction, even after 17 years sober from alcohol and drugs, and how quitting gaming changed her focus so much she began questioning whether she actually has ADHD or a phone-altered brain. The episode digs into how our brains scramble for regulation through alcohol, weed, phones, food and more, especially when parents never helped us calm our emotions.
There’s practical talk too: why many adults stop ADHD meds within a year, how stimulants and non-stimulants affect access to the frontal lobe and dopamine, and why medication alone doesn’t fix relationships. Kristen describes learning emotional regulation as a mother, moving from "Mary Poppins to Cruella de Vil" in a day, to parenting from more steadiness and self-responsibility.
Her upcoming book *You’re Not In Trouble* threads through the chat, focusing on shame, self-compassion and the radical idea that "you don’t owe your family of origin anything" if contact harms your wellbeing. If you’ve ever felt perpetually "in trouble", braced for impact, or using screens or substances to cope, this episode might leave you asking: what would your recovery look like if your body finally believed it was safe?
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