Shitshow Saturday #210 - Why We Struggle SociallyShitshow Saturday #210 - Why We Struggle Socially
Adult Child
Andrea Ashley and members of the Adult Child community talk about why socialising feels so draining for adult children of dysfunction and how somatic work and safe connection are helping them change long-held patterns. Personal stories highlight people pleasing, fear of abandonment and the slow journey towards feeling genuinely comfortable as themselves around others.
27:15•20 Jun 2026
Why Socialising Feels So Hard for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families
Episode Overview
- Social struggles are framed as understandable responses to unsafe childhood environments, not character flaws.
- Many adult children perform and people please in groups because they never saw healthy, relaxed connection modelled at home.
- Somatic work and nervous system regulation are presented as crucial for shifting long-standing relational patterns.
- Community spaces where people "get it" help members experiment with authenticity, set boundaries and tolerate vulnerability.
- Growth is shown through small changes like accepting help, saying no, and no longer letting others’ approval define self-worth.
“Real connection requires presence, and presence requires safety we were never given.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey and still feel awkward at parties? This Shitshow Saturday zooms in on why social situations can feel like a minefield for adult children of dysfunctional families, even after years of therapy, recovery work and self-help books. Host Andrea Ashley talks frankly about doing all the "neck up" healing, yet still feeling stuck. Her turning point comes with somatic work: "I learned that somatic healing, nervous system regulation, it's not optional...
it is a requirement if you actually want to heal from a dysfunctional childhood." She shares how her Safe Within course grew from finally getting into her body, learning to feel safe, and even letting good feelings in when "calm feels unsafe" and "joy feels suspicious". From there, the community takes over.
Members talk through why socialising feels like a test rather than a chance to connect: growing up with unsafe caregivers, never seeing healthy conflict or repair, and learning that love is transactional. One person sums it up: "We became experts at reading what other people need and becoming that," which leads to constant performing instead of being present.
You’ll hear stories of phoning friends daily from Paris just to check they still cared, trauma-dumping on strangers, organising every get-together yet feeling left out, and panicking when someone is kind because kindness used to be followed by harm.
There’s also real growth: catching the urge to perform, asking for help to build a gazebo and actually letting someone do it, questioning whether "introvert" is genuine temperament or recovery time from performing, and finally reaching the point of "I really like me". If you’ve ever gone home from a social event exhausted and convinced you "did it wrong", this conversation might help you see that you’re not broken – you’re learning a language no one ever taught you.
What small experiment in being more "you" could you try next time you’re with other people?
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