#561 Non-Binary Sex & Love Addiction - Mica#561 Non-Binary Sex & Love Addiction - Mica
Mental Illness Happy Hour
Paul Gilmartin talks with Mica about childhood abuse, sex and love addiction, suicidality and life as a non‑binary person. Their conversation blends dark humour with candid stories of acting out, recovery tools and the ongoing work of feeling seen and safe.
1:42:45•15 Oct 2021
Sex, Love and Identity: Mica’s Non‑Binary Journey Through Addiction and Healing
Episode Overview
- Sex and love addiction can grow from early trauma and boundary violations, turning masturbation, porn and fantasy into default coping tools.
- Objectifying others and sexualising non‑sexual situations often masks deeper pain, fear and dissociation rather than genuine desire.
- Living double lives in relationships creates intense shame and isolation, but can be addressed through honesty, accountability and support.
- Non‑binary people may feel constant pressure to explain and defend their identity, which can be exhausting and trigger urges to act out or withdraw.
- Reaching for recovery tools—meetings, meditation, medication and service—can interrupt acting out and create small but meaningful moments of safety and hope.
“Any kind of emotional trigger, I would sexualise.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation between Paul Gilmartin and Mica offers a raw look at how childhood trauma, sex and love addiction, and gender identity can tangle together. Mica, who identifies as non-binary, talks frankly about growing up in a home soaked in domestic violence, emotional chaos and clear sexual boundary violations.
They describe a father who turned them into a "little spouse" and a mother whose own untreated incest trauma made it impossible to acknowledge Mica’s abuse. Masturbation and fantasy became early coping tools: “Any kind of emotional trigger, I would sexualise.” The episode spends a lot of time on sex and love addiction from a non‑male perspective.
Mica shares stories of compulsive masturbation, porn, objectifying strangers, and living a double life—having a four‑year relationship with a man while secretly acting out in queer and kink spaces. The cost? Broken relationships, shame, and a string of exes who no longer speak to them. There’s also a powerful thread about suicidality and service. Mica recalls working at a suicide hotline while feeling suicidal themselves, bingeing on food, and hiding behind “double lives”.
Recovery starts when they seek 12‑step help for an eating disorder, get on medication, and slowly build a life with a lock on their own door and some emotional safety.
A key shift comes when, instead of acting out, they join a meeting, hear their story reflected back, and try an inner‑child meditation: “I sat with my discomfort, and I cried for my little me.” Mica also talks about the daily grind of living as a non‑binary person in a binary culture, the exhaustion of correcting people, and the fear of never being “perceived as my authentic self”.
Yet there’s hope in their plans to study social work and their desire to turn pain into service. If you’ve ever used sex, fantasy or relationships to numb pain, this one might have you asking some brave questions of your own.
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