A new way to think about perfectionism

A new way to think about perfectionism

How do different strategies aid in addiction recovery? This episode of LOL Sober zooms in on one surprising but familiar theme: perfectionism. Nelson, an alcoholic addict writing under a pen name, shares a "hot take" that many people in sobriety might recognise: perhaps the word "perfectionist" gets thrown around a bit too casually.

You’ll hear him talk about how perfectionism shows up constantly in sober spaces – from wanting family life to look a certain way, to expecting work promotions on a precise timeline. At a recent meeting, multiple people related to the idea, reinforcing how common it is in recovery circles. But Nelson questions whether what many people call perfectionism is actually something else.

He contrasts genuine, compulsive behaviours – like diagnosable OCD or germ phobia you simply can’t switch off – with his own experience of selectively demanding perfection. He jokes about being lazy with some things and ultra-picky with others, and admits that saying "I’m a perfectionist" can be a convenient excuse: "That’s not perfectionism. That’s just asshole-ism. That is self-centeredness-ism for me." Work examples make his point crystal clear.

Sometimes he’s fine with projects being imperfect, while other times he insists things must go exactly his way, blaming "perfectionism" rather than owning his preferences.

That selective approach pushes him to ask whether he’s genuinely wired that way or just using a fancy label for, "This is what I want and it needs to happen my way." By the end, he lands on a witty promise: "From now on, I'm going to be a perfectionist about the use of the word perfectionist." It’s a short, funny, and honest reflection that might make you rethink how you describe your own behaviour in sobriety.

Are you actually a perfectionist, or just really attached to getting your way?