Building self trustBuilding self trust
Sideways
Graham and Martin talk about how addiction wears down self-trust and share practical ways to rebuild it through micro-promises, boundaries, self-compassion and support. Light-hearted chat about beaches, biscuits and music runs alongside honest reflections on identity and recovery.
1:00:48•24 Sept 2026
Building Self-Trust After Addiction: Micro-Promises, Boundaries and Kinder Self-Talk
Episode Overview
- Repeated broken promises in addiction teach the brain that your own voice can’t be trusted, making early recovery feel unstable.
- Self-trust grows through tiny, consistent micro-promises and “Ta-Da lists” that prove you follow through on what you say.
- Clear boundaries with risky people, places and events are framed as protection of recovery, especially in the first year.
- Differentiating guilt (“I made a mistake”) from shame (“I am a mistake”) helps build kinder self-talk and genuine self-compassion.
- Cravings tend to be loud and urgent, while healthier intuition feels calmer and focused on long-term wellbeing, a distinction that becomes clearer over time.
“Self-trust isn't the absolute certainty that you will never make another mistake. It's the quiet confidence that you can survive a mistake without burning your life down.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? Sideways returns from a summer break with Graham Landy and Martin Pankhurst chatting about beaches, biscuits, weather and disco lyrics – but at the heart of the episode is a serious question: how do you rebuild trust in yourself after addiction or mental health struggles? Graham sets out three clear segments on self-trust.
First, he explains how addiction wears it down: repeated broken promises like “I’ll stop after Christmas” teach the brain that your own voice can’t be relied on, leaving you feeling like a stranger to yourself in early recovery. He and Martin talk about that unnerving “blank canvas” feeling, where identity isn’t anchored to drinking or using anymore and every decision feels like it could go wrong. From there, they move into practical rebuilding.
Graham introduces “micro-promises” — tiny, unbreakable commitments such as drinking a glass of water before coffee or making the bed — and Martin adds the idea of a “Ta-Da list”, writing down what you’ve already done to gently change your self-story from failure to progress. Boundaries come next: saying no to risky invitations and people who don’t support sobriety, especially in that crucial first year, is framed as a vital act of self-protection rather than selfishness.
They also stress self-compassion, likening early recovery to a toddler learning to walk: falling over doesn’t make you a failure, it’s part of learning. Finally, they look at support systems and “intuition anxiety”, contrasting the frantic, urgent voice of craving with the quieter, long-term tone of healthier instincts. Graham sums it up with a powerful line about self-trust being less about perfection and more about knowing you can survive mistakes without burning your life down.
If your own self-belief feels shaky right now, could a few micro-promises and a kinder inner voice be the next step?
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