Survivors guilt

Survivors guilt

What can we learn from those who have battled addiction? Sideways brings you a conversation between Graham Landi and Martin Pankhurst that digs into the heavy theme of survivor's guilt, with their usual mix of dark humour, honesty and grumpy chat about the clocks going back. Across the episode, they talk about how people in recovery can feel guilty simply for being alive when others have overdosed, taken their own lives, or relapsed.

Graham shares phrases he hears often in groups, like “I should have been the one who died” and “I don’t deserve recovery,” showing just how strong feelings of unworthiness can be. Martin explains how these beliefs can quietly push people towards self-sabotage, isolation, or even back to using. You'll hear how unprocessed grief often resurfaces once substances are removed, with old losses and fractured relationships suddenly feeling very raw.

Graham points out that many people, addicted or not, rarely get a neat chance to say goodbye, and that the real work lies in how someone chooses to live from this point onwards. A standout moment comes when Martin talks about shifting the question from “Why did I survive?” to “What am I going to do with my survival?”, and how that change helped him find purpose in his own recovery.

The two also tackle a tricky conundrum: is sustained sobriety hard work, luck, or a mix of both — and what does that do to your sense of guilt or achievement? Light relief surfaces in the form of a “Florida man” headline about an Uber Eats driver shot in the butt cheek, KFC-fuelled family trips, and gratitude for pet insurance and autumn leaves.

Yet the heart of the episode stays firmly on recovery: that “recovery is not something to feel guilty about. It’s a gift,” and the best way to honour those who didn’t make it is to use the chance you’ve got today. If guilt has ever made you question whether you deserve to stay sober, this conversation might be worth your time.