Metanoia

Metanoia

What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol? Sideways co-hosts Graham Landi and Martin Pankhurst get stuck into the idea of "metanoia" – a radical shift in mind, heart and direction that often follows addiction, trauma and hitting rock bottom. Drawing on Martin’s own experience of alcoholism and long-term recovery, they unpack metanoia in three parts.

First comes a shift in the mind: breaking that grinding loop of survival, craving and regret, and challenging the script that says, "I’m broken, I’m the mistake, tomorrow will look exactly like yesterday." Then there’s the change of heart, moving from crushing shame towards genuine self-compassion and the belief that "I’m worth saving" and I’m not just my disease.

Finally, they talk about metanoia in action – the daily, practical choice to live differently, change "everything", and build a new life from the ground up. Martin describes recovery as feeling like a blank canvas, slowly finding an "authentic self" he couldn’t have imagined before sobriety.

Graham pushes on a tough question: if someone relapses and says "my old self crept back in", is that really true, or is it the illness reasserting itself rather than a full return to the past? Their chat offers a nuanced, non-judgemental look at lapses, self-worth, and why the work of separating person from addiction never really stops.

Amid the serious stuff, there’s plenty of humour: bizarre news headlines featuring vegan mayonnaise, talk of decorating stairwells instead of watching football, and a gloriously ropey attempt at a late-70s lyric quiz. If you’ve ever hit your own version of rock bottom and wondered whether a completely new direction is possible, this conversation might be just the nudge to ask what kind of self you want to grow next.