"Don't Forget To Text Me" AKA DBT DEAR MAN
"Don't Forget To Text Me" AKA DBT DEAR MAN

Bold Beautiful Borderline

Sara Amundson shares a late-night panic about her husband not coming home and uses it to walk through DBT’s DEAR MAN skill. The conversation focuses on clear boundary setting, asking for needs to be met, and repairing relationship ruptures while living with BPD.

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18:04•29 Mar 2026

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“Don’t Forget to Text Me”: Using DBT DEAR MAN to Ask for What You Need

Episode Overview

Use the DEAR MAN formula (Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate) to structure hard conversations.
Stick to clear facts first, then share feelings using "I" statements rather than blame or accusations.
Get grounded with mindfulness and distress tolerance skills before trying to figure out what you actually want.
Reinforce your request by explaining how meeting your need leads to a safer, calmer relationship for both people.
Confidence isn’t required to set a boundary; showing up and speaking your needs still counts even if you’re scared.

“We’re on this earth for a really short amount of time. We deserve to get our needs met.”

Curious about how others handle intense emotions in relationships without blowing everything up? This episode of Bold Beautiful Borderline brings you right into Sara Amundson’s living room as she shares a very real late-night spiral: her husband Talon doesn’t come home until 12:30am, her texts go unanswered, and her brain jumps straight to, "Did he die? Did the shop get robbed?

Is he cheating on me?" Instead of raging, Sara uses DBT’s DEAR MAN skill to show exactly how someone with Borderline Personality Disorder can ask for what they need without shame, blame, or drama. She walks through each step of the acronym using her own situation: describing the facts of Talon not texting, expressing the worry and frustration, asserting her need for a heads-up, and reinforcing why it matters for her sense of safety.

As she puts it, "We’re on this earth for a really short amount of time. We deserve to get our needs met." Sara also breaks down the second half of DEAR MAN – being mindful, appearing confident (or at least trying to), and knowing when and how to negotiate. She’s honest about the reality that confidence isn’t always possible, especially with more triggering people, and reassures anyone listening that shaking while setting a boundary still counts as setting a boundary.

You’ll get a mix of humour, swearing, vulnerability, and practical guidance that feels less like a lecture and more like a friend handing you a script for hard conversations. It’s especially helpful for people with BPD, their partners, and anyone who feels lost when trying to say, "Hey, this hurt and I need something different." If you had a clear formula for asking for what you need, what conversation would you finally feel ready to have?

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