Ep360 – Living Alone: Failure or Relief?Ep360 – Living Alone: Failure or Relief?
Untoxicated Podcast
Matt and Sheri question whether staying in a relationship after alcoholism should always be the goal and talk about how many people feel real relief in living alone. They discuss gender differences, love and fear, and the pull between peace and chaos in life after addiction.
1:06:54•10 Aug 2026
Living Alone After Alcoholism: Failure, Freedom, or Much-Needed Peace?
Episode Overview
- Living alone after an alcoholic relationship can feel like genuine relief rather than failure, especially for those exhausted by years of chaos.
- A listener’s idea that love and lack of love sit opposite each other on a spectrum reframes fear as what happens when love is missing.
- Women often have wider emotional support networks and may feel less dependent on a partner, which can make midlife singlehood more appealing.
- Men frequently rely on their romantic partner as their main emotional outlet, making separation feel more threatening and lonely.
- Both partners change through addiction and recovery, so staying together should be a choice based on current needs and safety, not social expectations.
“"Singlehood is easier. Singlehood is a relief. I like taking care of myself. I like my alone time."”
What makes a recovery story truly inspiring? For many, it's real talk about what happens after the chaos of an alcoholic relationship – including the question no one asks out loud: is living alone a failure, or a huge sigh of relief? Matt and Sheri Salis chat candidly about the pressure couples feel to "save the relationship" once drinking stops, and challenge the assumption that staying together is always the gold standard.
Drawing on their own marriage and years of working with partners and drinkers, they describe how many people, especially women, come to feel that, after trauma and emotional exhaustion, single life can be calmer, easier and deeply satisfying. As Matt puts it, people often say, "Singlehood is easier. Singlehood is a relief. I like taking care of myself.
I like my alone time." You'll hear them unpack why women initiate most divorces, how motherhood and hormones can shift emotional needs, and why men so often rely on their partner as their only source of emotional connection. Sheri shares how she once treated their marriage like a "short-term lease" during early recovery, while Matt admits he clung to the relationship far more, afraid of being left without that emotional anchor.
Alongside the heavy stuff, there’s humour and warmth – from 90s film trivia to fart jokes and raccoon-feeding side stories – which keeps the conversation human and relatable rather than clinical. The pair also touch on the difference between craving peace versus being subconsciously drawn to chaos, and how that plays out when one partner sobers up but both are changed by years of addiction.
If you’ve ever wondered whether wanting your own space after an alcoholic relationship makes you broken or just honest, this chat might leave you asking a new question: what if choosing peace is actually a valid, healthy ending to the story?
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