Letting Go of Control:The Quiet Work of Trusting Others (and Yourself)

Letting Go of Control:The Quiet Work of Trusting Others (and Yourself)

Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This Encouragementology episode zooms in on a struggle many high-functioning, recovery-minded people quietly wrestle with: the need to stay in control. Host and professional life & recovery coach Kendell Boysen gently unpacks how control can hide behind phrases like "I'm just helping" or "I'm just staying on top of it." She points out that, especially for codependent or people-pleasing personalities, control often becomes emotional self-soothing: "Control isn't really about the task.

It's about how we feel." Rather than shaming anyone for stepping in too much, Kendell reframes control as a strength that’s overextended. She talks about internal locus of control, that belief that your actions shape outcomes, and shows how it can slowly turn into a heavy sense of "If something goes wrong, I should have caught it." If you've ever felt like there's no off switch in your own life, you'll recognise that weight.

The heart of the episode is practical change. Kendell offers four concrete shifts: pausing before stepping in, replacing fixing with asking, defining your lane, and practising small, intentional moments of letting go. Simple questions like "Was I invited into this?" and "Is this mine to carry?" become everyday tools, rather than abstract theory. A standout moment is her gardener story: a perfectly tended garden that looked flawless but grew weak because it was never allowed to adapt.

As she puts it, "Support gives strength, but space creates it." That analogy lands especially well for anyone in recovery who’s used to being the rescuer, fixer, or emotional manager. By the end, you’re left with reflective journaling questions and a challenge to choose one situation this week where you usually step in and instead step back. Where might your own garden need a little less control and a little more trust?