Why Do I Feel Responsible for Other People’s Feelings?Why Do I Feel Responsible for Other People’s Feelings?
Encouragementology
Kendell Boysen looks at why caring for others can quietly turn into feeling responsible for their emotions and the exhaustion that follows. She offers practical ways to keep empathy while setting boundaries, so you can care without carrying what isn’t yours.
30:00•7 May 2026
Caring Without Carrying: Letting Go of Responsibility for Other People’s Feelings
Episode Overview
- Notice the difference between recognising someone’s feelings and feeling responsible for changing them.
- Use a brief pause when you feel the urge to fix or smooth things over, and ask, “Was I invited into this?”
- Remember Melody Beattie’s idea: you are not responsible for other people’s feelings.
- Apply Brené Brown’s boundary principle that “clear is kind” to keep track of what belongs to you and what doesn’t.
- Practise staying in your own emotional “hula hoop” so you can care with presence instead of carrying the weight.
“The core idea here isn’t to stop caring. It’s to start recognizing the difference between caring with someone and carrying it for them.”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety when they’re also busy managing everyone else’s emotions? This Encouragementology episode, hosted by professional life and recovery coach Kendell Boysen, zooms in on that familiar urge to keep the peace, read the room, and make sure everyone feels okay. Kendell talks about the subtle shift from empathy to emotional responsibility.
Empathy says, “I see you, I understand, I care.” Responsibility says, “It’s on me to fix this.” That extra step, she explains, can leave you exhausted and replaying conversations long after they’re over. If you’ve ever walked away from a chat feeling inexplicably drained, you’ll recognise yourself here.
Drawing on Melody Beattie’s work on codependency and Brené Brown’s ideas about boundaries, Kendell highlights how easy it is to “lose sight of where you end and they begin.” She shares personal examples, like being an “over-introducer” at social events, constantly connecting others so no one feels awkward. It looks like kindness, but underneath there’s often anxiety, fear of conflict, or a need to feel needed.
Instead of shaming this pattern, the episode gently offers practical shifts: pausing before stepping in, asking “Was I invited into this?” and practising staying in your own “hula hoop” — your thoughts, feelings, and actions — while letting others handle theirs. As Kendell puts it, “The core idea here isn’t to stop caring.
It’s to start recognizing the difference between caring with someone and carrying it for them.” The episode ends with a simple challenge: notice one moment where you feel the urge to manage someone else’s feelings and choose to pause instead. If you’ve ever felt like the emotional glue for everyone around you, could it be time to let go of what was never yours to hold?
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