SHITSHOW SATURDAY #215 – Things You Learned Were Normal That Never WereSHITSHOW SATURDAY #215 – Things You Learned Were Normal That Never Were
Adult Child
Members of the Adult Child community discuss eight childhood behaviours they were taught were normal, yet now see as deeply harmful. Together they share how those patterns still affect their relationships and how they’re slowly rewriting them through therapy and community.
36:47•25 Jul 2026
Eight "Normal" Childhood Lessons That Were Never Normal
Episode Overview
- Shaming aimed at a child’s character, rather than their behaviour, often becomes an internal voice of self-attack in adulthood.
- Guilt and gifts with strings attached can be used as quiet tools of control, teaching people that others’ disappointment equals a command.
- Emotional invalidation and labels like "too sensitive" make many adults distrust their own reactions and stay silent even when hurt.
- Minimising harm and rewriting family stories leads to doubting one’s own reality, making healing difficult until the truth is named.
- Conditional love and withdrawal as punishment teach that love has an entry fee, which many are now working to refuse to pay with self-abandonment.
“Connection is not supposed to be the leverage.”
What can we learn from those who have battled addiction and dysfunctional families? This Shitshow Saturday brings together Andrea Ashley and members of the Adult Child community to talk through "eight things you learned were normal that never were" – and how those patterns still show up in adult life.
You’ll hear the group unpack habits like shaming as discipline ("you are bad" instead of "that was a bad choice"), guilt used as control ("after all I’ve done for you"), and gifts with hidden strings that turn "help" into lifelong obligation. As one member puts it bluntly, "No, that shit’s not normal. It was real fucked up." The reading also covers emotional invalidation, being told you’re "too sensitive", and being pushed to sort feelings into acceptable and unacceptable categories.
Several people share how they still decide their reaction is "too much" before they’ve even expressed it, leading to silence, self-doubt, and isolation. One person admits, "I decide my reaction is too much before I even speak it," capturing the quiet terror of overreacting in families where any emotion was treated as a problem. Conditional love and withdrawal as punishment hit especially hard.
Stories range from parents going stone-cold silent for days to a dad who was "completely withdrawn from all of us" and never offered encouragement or guidance. Someone notes, "Connection is not supposed to be the leverage," yet many recognise they still pull away from loved ones when conflict arises.
Alongside the heavy stuff, there are moments of dark humour and real hope: catching themselves before shaming their own kids, learning to rest without self-attack, and slowly rewriting the belief that love has an entry fee paid with self-abandonment. The episode is raw, honest, and community-driven – a space where people can say, "I thought everybody had a fucked up family," and be met with understanding instead of judgement.
If you’ve ever wondered whether what you grew up with was actually "normal", this conversation might help you start asking different questions.
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