Shitshow Saturday #212 - When Scarcity Fuses With Self-WorthShitshow Saturday #212 - When Scarcity Fuses With Self-Worth
Adult Child
Community members talk about growing up with scarcity, where money, love and attention were all tangled with self-worth. Through shares on shame, dependence and small wins, they describe the slow, sober work of separating their value from their bank balance and beginning to invest in themselves.
32:46•4 Jul 2026
When Scarcity Hijacks Self-Worth: Money, Love and Growing Up in Chaos
Episode Overview
- Scarcity in childhood often shows up less as lack of money and more as conditional love, limited attention and controlled care.
- When worth is tied to money or being "easy" and unnoticed, asking for help or spending on oneself can feel dangerous and shameful.
- Slow, nervous-system-safe steps like breath work, support groups and honest sharing can gradually thaw financial and emotional freeze.
- Choosing to invest in therapy, courses or simple pleasures is framed as practising self-respect rather than recklessness.
- Letting go of blame and recognising personal responsibility becomes a key shift in rebuilding identity and self-trust.
“"I know what I'm capable of, but I can't seem to do it, and it's the 'I can't seem to do it' part that seems so shameful."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This Shitshow Saturday brings together Andrea Ashley and community members for a raw group conversation about scarcity, self-worth and growing up in chaotic families. Instead of focusing on bank balances, the episode centres on how many of them learned that love, attention and basic care were limited supplies that had to be earned.
One share reflects, "I learned that needing things made me expensive, made me the inconvenience, made me the kid that's always a burden," capturing how money and worth became painfully tangled. Andrea talks about a "freeze around money" that kept her small and financially dependent on her parents because that was the only way they knew how to show love.
She describes slowly thawing out her nervous system, using breath work and community support, and having an intense moment of inner connection where a voice inside simply said, "I'm here." For anyone wrestling with imposter syndrome or shame about being stuck, her honesty about slow progress and "huge win" moments will feel very familiar. Andrew’s share adds a mix of dark humour and vulnerability as he faces yet another kidney stone and the medical bills that come with it.
He admits he still treats love, help, rest and money like scarce resources he has to earn, settling for "crumbs" rather than asking for more. Tracy and others speak to being invisible children who avoided having needs so they wouldn’t be a burden, then later struggling to spend money on themselves without guilt. There’s talk of divorces, confusing family messages around money, and the shaky process of investing in therapy, courses and hiking gear as acts of self-respect.
You’ll hear plenty of pain, but also practical hope: people naming old patterns, testing new choices, and slowly separating their worth from their wallet. If your self-esteem feels fused to how "easy" or "cheap" you can be, this conversation might be the nudge to ask yourself what you’re truly worth today.
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