237 - Stopping The War Within: Understanding Your Patterns Through Parts w/ Britt Frank237 - Stopping The War Within: Understanding Your Patterns Through Parts w/ Britt Frank
Adult Child
Andrea Ashley talks with therapist and author Britt Frank about growing up in covert dysfunction, surviving cults and abusive relationships, and using parts work to understand addiction, shame and stuck patterns. Their candid chat looks at shadow parts, money shame and grief, framing healing as an ongoing, messy process of becoming more functional and compassionate toward yourself.
1:02:51•1 Jul 2026
Stopping the War Within: Britt Frank on Parts, Shame and Messy Healing
Episode Overview
- Viewing yourself as a system of parts rather than a single broken self can make long-standing patterns feel understandable instead of shameful.
- Addiction, disordered eating and chaotic relationships can be seen as protective strategies that once helped you survive, even if they now cause harm.
- Shadow parts, including positive "golden" qualities like creativity and power, often get buried to stay safe in dysfunctional families and need gentle reconnection.
- Money dynamics and financial rescue can quietly maintain dependence and shame, making financial healing a key part of emotional recovery.
- Grief work and rethinking shame (including what Britt calls "compostable" shame) are crucial for releasing unrealistic hope about unsafe people and moving forward.
“"Everything you hate about yourself starts making sense the moment you realize you're not one person – you're a whole system trying to survive."”
Curious about how others handle the chaos of trauma, addiction, and messy healing? This conversation between host Andrea Ashley and psychotherapist Britt Frank digs into exactly that, with brutal honesty and plenty of humour. Britt shares how she spent years thinking she was just "a hot mess" until a counsellor in a high-control church first told her, "You're not crazy.
You're not broken." From there, she traces a journey through cult involvement, meth use, and over a decade of abusive relationships, all rooted in a covertly dysfunctional childhood that felt confusing rather than obviously "bad".
You’ll hear Britt explain how parts work and Internal Family Systems helped her understand that, "You're not one person – you're a whole system trying to survive." She and Andrea unpack ideas like shadow parts and the "golden shadow" – the positive qualities you’ve had to hide, such as creativity or power, because they weren’t safe to show.
They also talk about how symptoms like addiction, eating disorders, and obsessive thoughts can be seen as protectors trying (in a very messy way) to keep you alive. Money shame and financial enmeshment get some airtime too, with both women reflecting on how being rescued financially can quietly undermine self-belief, and how overspending or chronic under-earning can keep you tied to unhealthy family systems.
The tone is raw, sweary, and very human – you get real stories, not neat recovery slogans. There’s no "ta-da, I’m healed" moment, just a realistic picture of becoming functional, kinder to your parts, and more honest about shame. If you’ve ever wondered why you stay stuck in painful patterns even when you “know better,” this chat might give your inner critic a much-needed rebrand – and remind you that every part of you has a story worth hearing.
Which of your own parts might be asking for your attention next?
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