Shitshow Saturday #211 - Why Asking For Help is HardShitshow Saturday #211 - Why Asking For Help is Hard
Adult Child
Members of the Adult Child community share honest stories about why asking for help feels so hard after growing up in dysfunctional, neglectful homes. The conversation touches on shame, perfectionism, grief, and the slow process of learning to let others in during recovery.
38:08•27 Jun 2026
Why Asking for Help Feels So Terrifying for Adult Children
Episode Overview
- Help comes in many forms — practical, emotional, financial and educational — and each can trigger different childhood wounds.
- Growing up in homes where needs were shamed or ignored often leads to a core belief that needing help makes you a burden or "incompetent."
- Many participants find it easy to help others but almost impossible to ask for support themselves, using self-sufficiency as a shield.
- Grief over emotional neglect and the absence of a nurturing parent can resurface in adulthood, especially when trying to lean on others.
- Recovery work, including groups like this one, can slowly rewrite old beliefs by practising asking for help and letting safe people show up.
“I have a very strong belief that like... I can't need help.”
What drives someone to seek a life without alcohol and then still feel terrified to ask for help? This Shitshow Saturday episode of Adult Child circles around that exact question, zooming in on why reaching out can feel like life-or-death for those who grew up in chaotic or emotionally neglectful homes.
Andrea Ashley holds space while community members unpack different kinds of help: the practical stuff like starting a lawnmower or doing errands, the emotional kind where you say "I'm not okay" out loud, and the big, scary step of investing in yourself through things like therapy, courses or professional qualifications. One speaker sums up the core belief many share: "I have a very strong belief that like...
I can't need help." Christy talks about wrestling with investing in her National Board certification, torn between "it's all bullshit" and knowing it's a way of valuing herself and her work as an elementary PE teacher. Another member describes always being the helper, hiding behind usefulness and then hitting a wall when their own needs go unanswered by family.
Katie shares raw grief about emotional neglect and the aching search for a "surrogate mum", saying she is "constantly looking" for the nurturing she never had. Others bring in perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the deep shame of feeling "incompetent" over basic tasks because mistakes were punished growing up.
Andrea reflects on how AA taught her to call for support, yet old fears of being "too much" or being abandoned still creep in, especially around sadness, grief, and adult admin that makes her feel like a child. The tone is candid, sometimes darkly funny, and very human. If you've ever thought, "I'll just do it myself" while secretly longing for someone to show up for you, this conversation might help you feel a little less alone.
Which kind of help on their list hits closest to home for you?
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