SHITSHOW SATURDAY #229 – I'll Be Okay When...SHITSHOW SATURDAY #229 – I'll Be Okay When...
Adult Child
Members of the Adult Child community share raw stories about the belief "I’ll be okay when…" and how it stems from complex childhood trauma. The conversation circles around grief, shame, divorce, missed milestones and self-compassion, questioning whether peace really has to wait for life to be perfect.
33:26•7 Nov 2026
“I’ll Be Okay When…”: Adult Children Confront Conditional Peace
Episode Overview
- Conditional beliefs like "I’ll be okay when…" often start in childhoods where safety depended on parents’ moods or sobriety.
- Continuing to wait for the perfect job, relationship, body or level of healing keeps life, joy and rest on hold indefinitely.
- Grief over what never happened—loving parents, normal teenage experiences, stable homes—is a key part of moving beyond future-focused hope.
- Learning to feel "okay" in the present, even amid divorce or uncertainty, can be more valuable than any external outcome.
- Practising self-compassion and accepting "good enough" challenges shame, self-sabotage and the belief that you must earn peace.
“I think I'll be okay when I can give myself some self‑compassion, because we all deserve it.”
What drives someone to seek a life where "okay" isn’t something they have to earn? This Shitshow Saturday gathering centres around the phrase "I’ll be okay when…" and how it quietly runs so many adult lives shaped by childhood dysfunction. Andrea Ashley holds space while members of the Adult Child community unpack how growing up with alcoholic or volatile parents taught them that safety depended on other people’s moods.
As one reading puts it, "Feeling settled is something your nervous system learns by practising it in the present. If you only allow it once the condition is met, you never get the practice." From there, the group looks at how that belief still shows up in relationships, careers, parenting, body image and recovery.
You’ll hear Andrea wrestle with turning 37 and wondering if she’d truly be okay if she never has a romantic relationship, naming the mix of shame, grief and frustration that comes with feeling "different" and left out of life milestones. Kathy reflects on missed teenage rites of passage and dysfunctional relationships, now at 60 still feeling like she doesn’t quite belong, yet laughing through the pain.
Carly shares about being 11 months into a divorce and learning how to feel "very solidly okay" amid huge unknowns about housing, money and parenting. Andrew’s emotional share about a childhood spent managing his parents’ moods and longing to hear "you matter to me" lands deeply, as others echo their own versions of waiting for permission to feel loved.
Another participant links "I’ll be okay when" to self-sabotage around weight, work and parental approval, and starts considering a "good enough" approach instead. Across the conversation, themes of complex trauma, codependency, eating disorders and generational pain are met with honesty, humour and shared relief: you’re not the only one postponing life until you feel "fixed". It might get you wondering—what’s your "I’ll be okay when" and are you ready to question it?
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