The Lost Art of Paying Attention: How to Slow Down and Stay Present

The Lost Art of Paying Attention: How to Slow Down and Stay Present

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? This episode of Encouragementology zooms in on something surprisingly slippery: your attention. Professional life and recovery coach Kendell Boysen talks about how modern life keeps pulling focus in a dozen directions and asks what happens when you rarely give anything your full presence.

You’ll hear Kendell share everyday examples that feel uncomfortably familiar: watching a show while scrolling, half-listening to someone while drafting an email, or trying to enjoy an audiobook while reorganising a closet. She contrasts these scattered moments with the “luxurious” feel of reading a physical book, where your mind actually stays inside one story for a while. A big part of the conversation centres on active listening.

Kendell admits how easy it is to mentally rehearse your own story while someone’s still telling theirs, and how coaching training pushed her to “let my thought go” so she could stay curious about where the other person’s story was heading. She suggests that sometimes the best contribution in a conversation is attention, not advice. Science gets a look-in too, with research on task switching and the time cost of bouncing between emails, tabs, and notifications.

Kendell points out that many interruptions come from inside our own heads, and wonders if we’re practising distraction more than focus. Practical ideas run through the episode: resisting the urge to follow every thought immediately, reducing digital competition by closing tabs or putting your phone in another room, and the simple exercise of “hands in your lap” as a way to let one thing be enough.

She also mentions a free five-day journaling companion to help you reflect on where your attention goes. By the end, the message is clear: being present isn’t about doing nothing; it’s about being where you are while you’re there. So what might change for you if, just once this week, you chose to stay with one thing until you truly felt it?