Things to avoid saying to someone in recovery

Things to avoid saying to someone in recovery

How do people cope with the challenges of staying sober? This chatty episode of *Sideways* digs into the surprisingly harmful things people say to those in recovery – often without meaning to.

Graham Landy and Martin Pankhurst swap stories about the clumsy comments Martin heard after he stopped drinking, from “Are you sure you had a problem?” to “I liked you better when you drank.” Martin explains how remarks like these can feel invalidating, shame-inducing, or even triggering, especially in early sobriety when someone’s still unsure of themselves. Rather than just having a moan, they suggest simple, kinder alternatives.

So instead of “Surely one drink won’t hurt now?”, you’d say something like, “Great decision – what can I get you instead?” They talk about how phrases such as “You don’t look like an alcoholic” reveal stereotypes, and how comments like “I could never stop drinking” usually say more about the speaker’s own worries than about the person in recovery. A running theme is that recovery is personal, and no one owes their “rock bottom story” to anybody.

As Martin puts it, “You can’t be ashamed of being ill and getting better.” He also shares why he’s proud of his past and says he wouldn’t erase other people’s knowledge of his drinking, even if there were a magic button to do it.

Light-hearted digressions – including a buffalo spared because it looks like Donald Trump, an almost-exploding wheelchair, football chat, and a debate about the best ice cream flavours – keep things from getting too heavy, while still making space for honest talk about addiction and change. If you’ve ever wondered what to say (or avoid saying) to someone in recovery, this conversation might leave you rethinking a few phrases – and maybe your own relationship with alcohol too.