What Do You Do When You're Alone? #14 [rebroadcast]What Do You Do When You're Alone? #14 [rebroadcast]
A Skeptic's Path to Enlightenment
Scott Snibbe looks at what people reach for when they feel alone, anxious, or in pain and relates this to Buddhist ideas of refuge. He contrasts external escapes like work, entertainment, sex, and substances with the possibility of an inner refuge rooted in the mind’s basic goodness.
28:22•5 May 2026
What Do You Do When You're Alone? Finding Refuge in a Skeptic’s Buddhist Lens
Episode Overview
- Ask honestly what you turn to when you feel scared, lonely, or overwhelmed, without judging yourself for the answer.
- Examine your motivation for work, entertainment, sex, and substances to see whether they bring long-term wellbeing or short-term escape.
- Choose friends, bosses, and heroes who bring out your best qualities, since you gradually become more like the people around you.
- Treat exercise, creativity, and even simple daily activities as opportunities for presence and connection, rather than ego or distraction.
- Remember that your mind holds an ever-present capacity for ease, openness, and goodness that can act as a reliable inner refuge.
“They say that what you do when you're alone reveals your character in a deep and profound way.”
What drives someone to seek a life that feels steady, even when no one else is around? This rebroadcast from *A Skeptic’s Path to Enlightenment* zooms in on that very question, as host Scott Snibbe looks at what happens in those raw, unfiltered moments when you’re scared, anxious, lonely, craving, or just bored.
Rather than talking from a lofty pedestal, Scott frames himself as a fellow struggler, not a guru: a peer who also reaches for work, Netflix, sex, food, or his phone when things get tough. "They say that what you do when you're alone reveals your character in a deep and profound way," he says, inviting you to quietly look at your own habits without shame.
The episode walks through the many "refuges" people lean on: work as distraction or purpose; entertainment as constant mental noise; sex and pornography as connection or loneliness; substances and food as comfort or self-sabotage; and even exercise, creativity, friends, and heroes as powerful yet sometimes ego-driven shelters. Each area is treated honestly, with stories of Scott’s own mismatched jobs, self-loathing, and overindulgence, balanced by humour and warmth rather than guilt.
For anyone curious about a secular approach to Buddhist ideas, this is aimed right at you. Scott explains the classic Buddhist concept of refuge—teachers, teachings, and community—then shifts to a more accessible angle: "a more secular approach to refuge with buddhism is to look at the mind as refuge," a "limitless source of contentment and even joy" that’s always available.
By the end, the focus lands on inner refuge: recognising your basic goodness, questioning your motivations, and choosing work, friendships, and role models that support the person you actually want to be. If you’ve ever wondered, "What do I really turn to when I’m alone?" this episode gives you space to ask—and to start answering with a bit more honesty and kindness toward yourself. So what’s your refuge when nobody’s watching, and is it truly feeding you?
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