Why you Keep Going Back (Even When You Desperately Want Sobriety)Why you Keep Going Back (Even When You Desperately Want Sobriety)
Tribe Sober - inspiring an alcohol free life!
Lynette le Roux reflects on why people return to alcohol even when they deeply want sobriety, framing relapse as a nervous system pattern rather than a character flaw. She explains how brain chemistry, habit pathways and small repeated actions can gradually build a safer, alcohol-free way of living.
25:11•12 Sept 2026
Why You Keep Going Back: Your Nervous System, Relapse and Tiny Sober Actions
Episode Overview
- Relapse is often the nervous system seeking familiar relief, not a simple lack of willpower.
- The brain’s "wanting" system rewards the idea of change, but real transformation depends on repeated actions.
- Old drinking habits become strong, fast neural "motorways" while new sober choices begin as fragile paths that need repetition.
- Stopping alcohol can expose the underlying "alarm" of stress, perfectionism, anxiety or grief that drinking was muting.
- Small, physical actions like walking, phoning someone or making tea, repeated over time, teach the body there is another way to feel safe.
“"Insight does not create transformation. Knowledge does not create transformation. Understanding addiction does not end addiction. Application changes us."”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This episode of Tribe Sober follows Lynette le Roux as she tackles a question that haunts many people in recovery: "If I want sobriety so badly, why do I keep going back?" Rather than blaming weakness or lack of willpower, she looks at what the nervous system is trying so hard to do beneath the drinking.
Drawing on neuroscience and years of coaching experience, Lynette explains that the brain runs separate systems for "wanting" and "getting". Buying the quit-lit book, joining a challenge, or saying "this time I really mean it" brings a hit of dopamine, yet, as she puts it, "Insight does not create transformation... Application changes us." The wanting brain loves the idea of change, but the body only trusts repeated actions.
You’ll hear a vivid breakdown of how old drinking habits become an "eight-lane motorway" in the brain, while new sober behaviours start as a muddy footpath. With gentle humour, Lynette compares holding out on drinking to forcing a beach ball under water – you can brace for only so long before it bursts back up as a binge.
She also explains how alcohol can move from recreation to regulation: years of using it as relief rewires glutamate (the accelerator) and GABA (the brake), so stopping can make you feel edgy, restless and "worse sober".
Her key shift is to stop asking, "Why can’t I stop drinking?" and start asking, "What alarm is my nervous system trying to silence?" and "What is one small physical action I can take today that teaches my body there is another way?" With images of caterpillars and butterflies, motorway lanes and forest paths, this episode offers a fresh way to look at relapse as a nervous system pattern rather than a moral failure.
What one tiny action could you repeat today to show your body there’s a new exit from the old story?
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