#795 Taking Off The Mask - A Best Of Ep w/Laurenne Sala#795 Taking Off The Mask - A Best Of Ep w/Laurenne Sala
Mental Illness Happy Hour
Paul Gilmartin shares honestly about a recent pornography relapse before revisiting a powerful 2014 conversation with Laurenne Sala about her gay father’s suicide, codependent upbringing, perfectionism and years of numbness. Together they talk about therapy, boundaries and creative work as ways to move from shame and performance into real connection.
2:54:29•10 Apr 2026
Taking Off the Popularity Mask: Laurenne Sala on Grief, Codependency and Getting Real
Episode Overview
- Process addictions like pornography can feel different from substance addictions, and support groups and honesty with others can help.
- Replacing self-judgement with curiosity and self-compassion can soften intense emotional pain, even if only for short moments.
- Codependent dynamics in childhood often lead to people-pleasing, perfectionism and using sex or popularity to feel safe.
- Setting boundaries with family, even when it feels terrifying, can be a crucial step toward healing.
- Talking, writing and sharing taboo stories in safe spaces can transform numbness and shame into connection and growth.
“What if we're not behind schedule? What if we haven't, quote, blown it, unquote?”
What emotional and inspiring tales of recovery are out there? This "best of" conversation between host Paul Gilmartin and writer Laurenne Sala gives a raw, funny and incredibly tender snapshot of living with depression, addiction, grief and slowly taking off the mask. Paul opens by updating regulars on his recent relapse with pornography, contrasting it with his 22 years sober from drugs and alcohol.
He talks frankly about process addictions, support groups, and journaling his way through what he calls "enduring the discomfort of reality". You’ll hear him wrestle with self‑judgement, then land on a gentler experiment: "Replacing judgment with curiosity and self-compassion." The main conversation with Laurenne goes deep into childhood wounds. She describes a manic-depressive dad, a deeply codependent mum, and the day her father came out as gay and left when she was three. Her early takeaway? She was the problem.
From there, she turned life into a performance: cheerleader, homecoming queen, endless people‑pleasing and sex she didn’t actually want, all in the name of staying "safe" and popular. As she puts it, "My whole life was a job." Laurenne also shares the impact of her dad’s suicide when she was 16, her years using ecstasy to feel anything close to love, and the numbness that followed.
Therapy, a fiercely honest friend, meditation retreats, and even three weeks dissecting a cadaver slowly brought her back into her body and towards real intimacy, boundaries and self‑respect. She now channels her story into stage show Taboo Tales and plans to volunteer on a suicide hotline.
If you’ve ever felt like a fraud, an only child with too much on your shoulders, or someone whose grief is taking far too long, this conversation might make you feel a bit less alone. What if you really aren’t behind schedule after all?
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