CLASSICS REVISITED: How, Why, and When to Put Yourself FirstCLASSICS REVISITED: How, Why, and When to Put Yourself First
Coming Up for Air — Families Speak to Families about Addiction
Laurie McDougall and Kayla Solomon talk about what it can mean to put yourself first while a loved one struggles with substance use. They share personal experiences and small, practical strategies for shifting focus, calming intense emotions, and gently changing the family dynamic.
26:31•28 Aug 2026
Putting Yourself on the Map When Your Loved One Is in Crisis
Episode Overview
- Putting yourself first means acknowledging that your needs and life continue, even while your loved one is in crisis.
- Focusing only on the loved one’s behaviour can leave family members “sicker and sicker” emotionally and physically.
- Small shifts in your own thinking and behaviour, even for brief moments, can change the whole dynamic with your loved one.
- Practical self-care can be very simple, such as interrupting ruminating thoughts at night with TV, meditation, or calming audio.
- Regular gratitude practice can reduce the sense that substance use is “everything” and highlight other rich, positive parts of life.
“Your life does not get put on hold waiting for this person to be okay.”
What drives someone to seek a life where their wellbeing actually matters, even while a loved one is in crisis? This conversation between co-hosts Laurie McDougall and Kayla Solomon gets right into the messy, emotional reality of putting yourself first when someone you love is struggling with substance use. Kayla kicks things off by reframing what “putting yourself first” really means: recognising that you exist, your needs matter, and your life doesn’t get permanently frozen by another person’s crisis.
As she puts it, **“your life does not get put on hold waiting for this person to be okay.”** Laurie shares honestly how impossible that sounded at the start of her journey. She threw herself into “hero or martyr” mode, driving around looking for her son, calling hospitals and police, and slowly getting “sicker and sicker and sicker” emotionally and physically.
Only later did she realise that learning CRAFT skills was quietly changing her – her communication, empathy, and ability to really listen. Together, they talk about tiny, practical steps that count as self-care, especially in the middle of chaos. That might mean **not** calling every hospital tonight, lying on the sofa with a “ridiculously stupid” TV show to interrupt ruminating thoughts, or looping a calm meditation to get some sleep so you’re in better shape the next day.
They also highlight simple gratitude practices that slowly shrink the crisis down from “everything” to just one part of a much fuller life. The big message? You don’t have to leap straight to self-love or spa days. Even shifting your thinking “for fractions of the day” can change the dynamic, giving your loved one more space to focus on themselves instead of feeling like they’re ruining your life.
If you’ve been putting yourself last for years, what’s one tiny thing you could do differently today?
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