Don't Stop Before You Even Start!Don't Stop Before You Even Start!
Emotional Sobriety: The Next Step in Recovery
Thom’s Nutshell: “When you want something, do you begin with a commitment to make it happen or a list of reasons that it probably won't?" The mighty Carol Carter joins us again from the front of a different kind of recovery: triage from a flood which devastated her home. In our pursuit of emotional sobriety, integrity matters most. In adjusting our expectations to meet the moment, we can also “change our source of self-esteem”, to put us into congruency with our value system. Learn more about Jenny, the trauma-informed Certified Professional Organizer helping Carol sort through her belongings in the flood’s aftermath: https://www.sweetgrassorganizing.com . Anyone with a trauma related connection to clutter can find a resource to help. Our music is provided by the great southern artist Jefferson Ross. Learn more about Jefferson at jeffersonross.com Visit our website: www.emotionalsobriety.info Follow us on social media: Instagram: thomrutledge2 Joe C. Twitter: @Rebellion_Dogs Learn more about Joe C., Secular AA and Rebellion Dogs here: https://rebelliondogspublishing.com Friendly Circle Berlin workshops: https://friendlycircleberlin.org/events Allen’s book, 12 Essential Insights for Emotional Sobriety: https://www.amazon.com/12-Essential-Insights-Emotional-Sobriety/dp/1955415129/ Join Allen & Thom at our Thursday night, 7pm PST Zoom meeting on Emotional Sobriety and the Steps (login information below): https://zoom.us/j/330149513 Password: 375986 For our ongoing workshop video series on Emotional Sobriety and the 12 Steps, visit our YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCHEM2-kqLkfp3I4c0jy-X-g Also, please join our “Emotional Sobriety and Recovery” FB Group at the following link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/120450976662519 We’d love to stay in touch in between meetings. We appreciate feedback! Contact Patrick, our producer, at pndirective4@gmail.com for any questions or comments.
30:54•19 Apr 2026
Don’t Stop Before You Start: Integrity, Fear and Emotional Sobriety
Episode Overview
- Notice where you create a list of reasons something won’t work instead of committing to take the first step.
- Accept that freezing under stress may still happen, and measure progress by how quickly you can use tools to come back online.
- Try recovery practices, like the 12 Steps, before deciding they’re not for you, rather than rejecting them in your head.
- Shift self-esteem from being clever or pleasing others to living as closely as you can to your values, even if that leads to difficult conversations.
- Practise asking for what you want and setting boundaries with people you trust, allowing discomfort as part of growing emotional sobriety.
“When you want something, do you begin with a commitment to make it happen or a list of reasons that it probably won't?”
How do people find strength in their journey to sobriety? This conversation with psychotherapists and authors Thom Rutledge and Dr Allen Berger, joined by returning guest Carol Carter, looks at how emotional sobriety shows up in everyday chaos – including a burst pipe and a flooded house.
Thom kicks things off with his "nutshell" question: "When you want something, do you begin with a commitment to make it happen or a list of reasons that it probably won't?" From there, the trio talk about how fear, perfectionism and negative self-talk can stop you before you even start – whether that's writing a book, doing the 12 Steps, or simply making a phone call.
Carol shares how a devastating flood forced her out of her home and into a motel for weeks. She describes freezing for three days, unable to think clearly, then slowly finding her "prefrontal cortex" again through recovery tools and support. Her work with Jenny, a trauma-informed professional organiser, becomes a kind of live therapy: going through every possession, feeling big emotions, and practising saying what she wants – sometimes with her throat literally closing up.
The heart of the episode is integrity. They talk about shifting the source of self-esteem from clever "asshole-ism" and people-pleasing to living in line with a values system. That includes being honest even when it might upset someone, asking for what you need, cancelling plans without over-explaining, and accepting that others’ hurt feelings don’t automatically mean you’ve done something wrong.
For anyone in recovery who still freezes, overthinks or talks themselves out of growth, this chat offers humour, real-life messiness, and practical emotional sobriety tools. It asks a simple question: what might change if you stopped quitting before you even begin?
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