Ep 218: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (Guest Lisa Johnson BTGO)Ep 218: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You (Guest Lisa Johnson BTGO)
The Emotional Abuse Recovery Podcast
Host Allison K. Dagney talks with domestic violence advocate Lisa Johnson about parental alienation, how abusive ex‑partners turn children against the safe parent, and the practical steps parents can take to stay grounded. Their conversation shares legal experience, emotional realities, and cautious hope for future reconnection with alienated children.
52:07•26 May 2026
When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You: Parental Alienation and Staying Sane
Episode Overview
- Parental alienation involves unjustified rejection of a parent, while estrangement can stem from justified reasons; understanding the difference is critical.
- Children experience intense loyalty conflicts when one parent’s love is conditional, so the safe parent’s steady, non‑defensive presence matters more than arguments.
- Defending yourself to a child often increases their confusion; asking what they think and staying regulated helps reduce pressure and cognitive dissonance.
- A detailed parenting plan, including a clear therapy clause and precise language, can reduce loopholes that high‑conflict ex‑partners exploit through the courts.
- Even after years of no contact, many children later seek out the safe parent; consistent effort and evidence that you never stopped caring can support eventual reconnection.
“Your child is half of each of you. Often it’s curiosity that brings them back when they’re finally out of the other parent’s home.”
Curious about how others navigate their sobriety journey? This conversation shifts the focus to another kind of survival: what happens when an ex uses the children as weapons after an abusive relationship. Host and emotional abuse recovery mentor Allison K. Dagney chats with Lisa Johnson from Been There Got Out, a state-certified domestic violence advocate and crisis counsellor, about parental alienation and abuse by proxy.
Lisa draws on her own decade-long legal battle and her new book, *Been There, Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You*, to explain how an unsafe parent can quietly turn children against the safe parent, sometimes over something as tiny as “the wrong crayons” in primary school. You’ll hear the crucial difference between parental alienation and estrangement, why professionals still use the term alienation even though it’s controversial, and how children get caught in painful “loyalty conflicts”.
Lisa breaks down how subtle body language, eye rolls, and sighs can speak louder than outright insults and gradually rewrite a child’s memories. A big chunk of the chat is practical.
Lisa talks about staying regulated when your child repeats your ex’s words back to you, why defending yourself to your child often backfires, and how to respond instead by asking, “What do you think?” She outlines the idea of “pre‑alienation” starting while the relationship is still intact, and stresses the importance of a clear parenting plan and a built‑in therapy clause so children can access mental health support.
There are also hard‑won stories of hope, like the mother reunited with her daughters after eight years of no contact, reminding parents that, as Lisa puts it, “effort really matters”. If you’re a safe parent dealing with an abusive ex and feel like the kids are slipping away, this episode offers language, structure, and a steady reminder that you’re not imagining it—and you’re not alone.
What small step could you take today to stay calm, prepared, and present for your children, even in the chaos?
Do you want to link to this podcast?
Get the buttons here!
More From This Show
The latest episodes from the same podcast.
Related Episodes
Similar episodes from other shows in the catalogue.