THE LIE WE LEARN AS CHILDREN ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S EMOTIONS (And The Hidden Ego Behind People Pleasing)THE LIE WE LEARN AS CHILDREN ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE’S EMOTIONS (And The Hidden Ego Behind People Pleasing)
RAW CHATTER!
Vicky Midwood breaks down the childhood belief that you’re responsible for other people’s emotions and how it feeds people pleasing, anxiety and addiction. She talks about the hidden ego in people pleasing and invites reflection on honesty, boundaries and reclaiming your own feelings.
29:14•18 May 2026
The Hidden Ego of People Pleasing and Why Other People’s Feelings Aren’t Your Job
Episode Overview
- The belief that you are responsible for other people’s feelings often starts in childhood and can become part of your identity.
- People pleasing is usually a self-protection strategy to avoid rejection, criticism, conflict and feeling unsafe.
- Constantly managing others’ emotions leads to exhaustion, resentment, anxiety and can feed into addictive coping behaviours like alcohol or food.
- There is a hidden ego element to people pleasing, driven by worry over how you are perceived and whether others approve of you.
- A key step in healing is becoming more honest with yourself and others, accepting that other people’s feelings are not your responsibility.
“Other people's feelings don't belong to you. Your feelings do.”
How do individuals from all walks of life battle addiction and people pleasing at the same time? RAW CHATTER! host Vicky Midwood gets straight into that knotty mix with her trademark no-fluff style.
Speaking as a behavioural therapist, integrative health coach and someone approaching her 21st sober anniversary, Vicky unpacks the childhood message many grow up with: **“You are responsible for how other people feel.”** She explains how this belief can morph into people pleasing, over‑apologising, over‑explaining and saying yes when every part of you wants to say no.
Vicky shares how this pattern becomes mentally exhausting, especially for highly sensitive or neurodivergent people, where people pleasing acts as a survival strategy to dodge rejection, criticism or conflict. She’s careful not to shame anyone, calling people pleasing a form of self‑protection rather than manipulation, while still pointing out the cost: self‑abandonment, anxiety, resentment and, for some, turning to alcohol, food, gambling or self‑harm to numb the overload. The episode also tackles the “hidden ego” piece.
Vicky gently challenges the idea that worrying constantly about others is purely selfless, highlighting how much of it is driven by fear of how you’re perceived: *“How am I being seen? Have I upset them? Do they still like me?”* That internal focus, she says, keeps people stuck trying to manage emotions that never belonged to them in the first place. For parents, grandparents and anyone in recovery, there’s practical reflection too.
Vicky invites you to notice how often you soften the truth to stay “nice”, how many times you manage other people’s reactions instead of your own feelings, and what might change if you became a little more honest and a little less responsible for everyone else. If you’ve ever felt drained from keeping everyone happy, this conversation might be the nudge to ask: whose emotions are you carrying that were never yours to hold?
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