S6 EP 42: Why We Fight The Change We Say We WantS6 EP 42: Why We Fight The Change We Say We Want
RAW CHATTER!
Vicky Midwood explains why people often fight the very changes they say they want, especially around alcohol, food and people pleasing. She breaks down how the brain, nervous system and identity patterns keep old habits in place, and how repetition and new self-talk can support lasting change.
32:13•23 Jun 2026
Why We Resist the Change We Keep Asking For
Episode Overview
- Awareness of harmful behaviour is important, but without action and repetition it will not create lasting change.
- The brain predicts outcomes based on past experience and often creates fearful stories that feel real but are not factual.
- The nervous system reacts to imagined scenarios as if they are happening, making new, healthier choices feel unsafe or overwhelming.
- Old habits feel powerful because they have been rehearsed for years; new patterns need time and consistent practice to become familiar.
- Identity statements beginning with "I am" reinforce behaviour, so changing language and self-description is key to supporting recovery.
“"The old pattern is not winning because it's better. It's winning because the old patterns have had more practice."”
What drives someone to seek a life without old habits that are clearly hurting them? RAW CHATTER! host Vicky Midwood gets straight into that messy gap between wanting change and actually doing it, especially around alcohol, food, people pleasing and other survival behaviours that feel impossible to drop. Vicky explains why "our brain is a prediction machine" that constantly writes stories based on past experiences, then treats those stories as facts.
She asks practical reflection questions, like how often you've worried about something that never happened or replayed arguments in your head, to show how fear – "False Evidence Appearing Real" – can keep you stuck in familiar patterns. You’ll hear how the nervous system responds to imagined threats just as strongly as real ones, which makes new behaviour feel risky even when it's healthier.
That’s why repeating old habits like overdrinking, bingeing, overworking or always saying yes can feel safer than setting boundaries, cutting back on alcohol, or choosing genuine self-care. Vicky also tackles the labels people use: "I'm an anxious person", "I'm terrible with money", "I just can't change".
She highlights how "as soon as we say, 'I am', you are labelling yourself with an identity", and how those identities quietly fuel addictive coping strategies and yo-yo patterns with food, drink or other behaviours. Rather than blaming willpower or calling people "non-compliant", she reframes relapse and slip-ups as proof that old patterns simply have more practice, not that someone is broken or weak.
Change, she says, comes from repetition of new choices, new language and a new identity: deciding to be a person who looks after their body, reduces alcohol, eats differently, or puts their own needs on the list. If you’ve ever thought "I know what I'm doing is harming me, so why do I keep doing it?", this straight-talking episode might be the nudge to ask: what identity are you rehearsing, and are you ready to practise a different one?
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